Tying shoe laces when you have a Rotator Cuff Injury feels like wadded up tissue paper being pulled apart. My muscles felt dry and brittle. I didn’t want to walk around with my shoe laces flopping about me, didn’t want to risk falling down and I wondered what germs, gross things and types of puddles my laces would flop through. The first couple of months I left my shoes tied and just daily shoved my foot in, creating accumulative tear down of the ankle cushion. I wondered what would happen first, the disintegration of my shoe ankle or healing of my shoulder. I’m not a sandal or flip flip wearer. I have skinny feet, especially ankles and heels. Finding a shoe that fits usually takes a long time and now with my injury, trying on shoes couldn’t be done. But there was one day shoes found me. The right shoes.
After having a frustrating week of increasing pain, daily struggles, doctors appointments and trying to figure out the disability papers I decided I needed to go for a walk to clear my head and seek peace. I needed a new feeling in my soul. I decided to ride the bus to Jack London Square and walk around the water front. There’s some benches out there with nice views. Sitting out in the sun and cool breeze would feel nice. My bus map with all the city lines on it showed that the 51 goes there, I thought. In reality the bus turns left at 7th street. When this happened I wondered if this is a detour, if we will return to Broadway and end at Jack London Square. Where does this bus go? I grab the 51 bus line map route I see on the bus. Without the mix of other bus lines that my map at home has, this bus route map clearly shows that the 51 does turn left and travels to Alameda.
That’s OK, Alameda has a street that leads to a beach walk and a yummy Mexican Food Restaurant that I adore. Park Ave. also has many fun shops; even though I can’t pick anything up, I could look around. That could be fun or frustrating, if I wanted to pick something up and it hurt. I would try to keep my mind frustration free.
The waterfront walk was nice. I enjoyed the different birds, the sun, the breeze and being out of my home– a constant reminder of things I can’t do. On my way back to the bus I passed a shoe store which reminded me of my need to find easier shoes to put on. In the window display, I saw some shoes I would like if both of my arms worked. I liked the colors and styles of many shoes. They were fun, different, comfortable looking also dressy enough to wear to a nice event. I was thinking I should continue walking and go home. I can’t try on shoes by myself. But something, I don’t know if it was my curiosity or avoidance of returning to daily struggles at home, I went in. Questioning myself for reasons of being there since I didn’t have the ability to try on shoes, I walked around the store slowly, lightly, uncertain as if I might just turn and leave on any whim. I saw more well crafted shoes, and pleasing colors, then I saw “It”. A shoe with no laces, just a draw string. The shoes were black, gray with powder blue stitching, a cute style, something I’d even wear if I wasn’t injured. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to put it on myself. I stood there looking at it, taking it in, wanting to try it on, and afraid I couldn’t do it myself. I had already had the last several days of struggle and defeat in every thing I had to do. Today was suppose to be different. Today I needed to experience a new energy for my soul, no roadblocks. I needed to give my frustration load a break. I kept standing there looking at the shoe and twice workers asked if I needed help. They probably thought I was weird or spacing out on drugs or something, just standing there in front of a shoe, yet not trying it on. I decided I should explain my situation if I get asked again. Right then a 3rd person asked, “Do you want to try on something?”
I decided to be brave and just say it. “Yes, this one, but….uh..i,…may need help…putting it on…and taking it… off.” I quickly looked down and felt the warmth of embarrassment in my face. “I have a rotator cuff injury.”
I’m 39 and I need help putting on my shoes. I mentally chastise myself.
“Sure, I can help you if you need , but this shoe was designed by someone who has had a rotator cuff injury. Healing from surgery he designed this since it’s easier to put on.”
Wow, what a cosmic score!!! I misread my bus map, wound up in Alameda where I, still got to walk by water, ate at my favorite Mexican Food Restaurant, and now found a shoe that works for me. It’s called the Alameda made right here in Alameda. How cool is that? Wow! It’s comfortable and I can put it on and take it off by myself AND WITHOUT pain, no crinkly tissue paper feeling in my shoulder. I am still wearing it today. Ah, this day was good. 
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